he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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