I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
