you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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