My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
