I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
