It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
