Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
