I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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