i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
