i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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