why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
