ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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