She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
