I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
