I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
