either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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