So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
