Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
