You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
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There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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