i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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