I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
