$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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