Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
