and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
