My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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