Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
