we have pet lesbian snakes
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
