At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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