so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
