Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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