can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
