I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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