You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
