Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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