Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
