So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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