Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
