I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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