I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
