I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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