If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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