I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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