We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
