I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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