I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
