I just made out with a guy for $7.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
