y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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