so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
