Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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