i think my mom watched the whole time
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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