if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
