"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
