I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
