I want to make a zoo with you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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