I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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