just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
