PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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