I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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